These days everything is about how much time you spend doing something. It applies to everything. Well at least according to most people. You have to spend X amount in the gym, X amount on dates, X amount with a girlfriend, X amount with family and so on. You need 100 hours in a single day if you follow this approach. Most people don’t understand the concept of quality time. They spend a lot of hours doing something but it’s barely quality time. What I mean by that is that people focus more on the hours they put in rather than the quality of work they put in in those hours. It looks better for the Gram I guess. That’s why some people get more done in a single hour than some people in a whole week and they don’t share it on the Gram. That is where quality beats quantity. It’s hard to understand this if you always strive for quantity and the validation of others. It’s like the mandatory 2-hour visit to the grandparents on a Sunday where you talk for 30 minutes and then stare at each other for the rest of the time. Or you spend the rest of your time on your phone. People who do stuff like this rarely value their time. They’re mostly bored and just want to kill time (still no clue how that is possible). This can both ways. Some people will overstay because they have nothing better to do. Others will want you to overstay for the same reason.
The quality of your life will change as soon as you start to value your time more. But that is only possible if you’ve got a purpose in life. Without a purpose, everything that kills time will be fine, even if you don’t like it. It’s better than being alone with your thoughts, something that most people avoid like the plague. That’s sadly enough also the reason why they don’t improve.
Now before I go on there is one thing you’ve to realize. Sometimes you can spend quality time with a person without saying anything. This is mostly applicable to relationships. For example, watching a sunset together. That’s being said, it’s time to get this blog going.
Quality time vs quantity time.
Back in 2018, someone asked me how I could make a relationship work while I was in the gym all the time. I replied that I could with proper planning and months later I got into a relationship. Back then it was horrible because I also had a job that took a lot of hours out of my day. Besides that, I was running this blog and traveling to the gym took in a lot of time. Planning is one thing but executing is a whole other thing. The relationship eventually ended and I got the “I told you so” more than once. I also got a lot of shit for planning my ex in my schedule from a lot of people but not from her. She said that she valued the time way more and she always enjoyed it. We would spend time together rather than spending time together on our phone.
The fact that it didn’t work wasn’t because I planned her in. It was due to other reasons but those are irrelevant for this post.
Back to the future.
The same question occurred very recently but in a different form. This time it was a double question. First, the person asked how many hours I spend in the gym. So I gave an estimation (5-6 hours). The person then asked how I could make time for other stuff (blogging, social life,…). This was an obvious example of someone who was used to having quantity time. Because how can you make time for anything else if you are already a big part of the day in the gym?! You still have to spend 5 hours during that day with people right?! I’ll explain this later but it was clear that the person was looking for a secret.
There is no secret.
The reality is that my training routine is pretty structured. I do mostly spend 5-6 hours in the gym but only 5 days a week. I mostly take Wednesdays off. Aside from that, It’s not always that amount of time. It can be for 4 hours as well, although that’s pretty rare. I just have a structured routine so my body and mind know what to do at a certain time during the day. I’m running on autopilot. Me training for a shorter amount of time is rare, me having to stop myself because I’ll do too much, on the other hand, is more common.
Quality time vs quantity time: the amount of time spent doesn’t matter.
People mostly try to showboat about the amount of time they spend doing something. “I did this many training sessions in a day”, “I trained this many hours this week”. That’s all cute but I’ve seen some of those people put in the “work” and most of it was just being there to be there. Or they try to impress people. One of the “secrets” to having quality time is knowing when it’s time to stop and do something else. There are always cues to when you’re about to shift from quality to quantity time. Not listening to those cues will mean that you’re ruining the experience. The best example is spending a great time with people and then staying so long that everybody starts to take out their phone. Or your gut feeling will just tell you it’s time to stop doing what you’re doing.
Quality time vs quantity time: the long-gone struggle.
I remember that I had a lot of problems balancing my social life and training. The first time I lived on Koh Phangan I barely visited anything. I was always training but would feel guilty for not paying more attention to my social life. The opposite would happen if I spend time with people. I would feel bad for not being in the gym. And then there was a blog and a book release as well.
Back then I assumed it was all about the time you put in, which is a toxic idea that’ll burn you out. Eventually, I found that it’s all about being present in the moment. My fighting career is the priority so I focus on that 100% while I’m doing it. So the second “secret” is to emerge yourself 100% in an activity. Feeling guilty for not spending time with friends/loved ones is stupid since you’re at the gym and not with them. After that, you emerge yourself in the next activity. This means that you don’t spend time on your phone while you’re training or with friends. You’re 100% focused on where you are at that particular moment.
That could mean that you spend tons of time in the gym and 1 hour with friends/relationship But it could be a quality hour that’s enjoyable for all the people. It’s better ending on a high note. This applies to everything.
In conclusion: it’s not about the time you put in, it’s about what you do in the time you put in. quality trumps quantity. Something that a lot of people sadly enough don’t understand in this day and age. Focus on quality in everything you do and your life will improve drastically.
You’ve read it correctly, your career, friendships, relationship, and so on will flourish.
Till next time.
Alex
Don’t forget to buy my latest book: “The Year Of The Alpha: 366 Lessons On Adding Meaning To Your Life! It’ll take your life from Zero To Alpha. (you can buy it here)
