I’m going to tell you how I started out as a zero. I am exposing myself to the world by sharing this story. But I’m okay with the fact that I was a zero. Some people will probably face more problems than I’ve ever experienced. So I want to help those people. Most of us only realize something when it’s too late and that needs to change. It’s never too late to make a change and I’m the living proof that it’s possible.
The worst part was just the start
My story starts round the age of 21 (around January 2014). When you reach this age you’re supposed to be happy and enjoy life. Well I really wasn’t (shocker). I was just out of a long term relationship , my grades in college where bad… Life didn’t seem to like me at that point. I was the endless victim and I didn’t do anything about it. Like most people I just lived an unhappy life and claimed that I was born to have endless bad luck.
A guy who trained competitive bodybuilders started training me, he would guide me during my journey. He gave me a German volume training program and said it would make me feel better. I was lacking some good sleep and pretty soon got a fever attack in the middle of my training. I kept on pushing my body to train five times a week. my body fat percentage was rising just like the bill after buying all those supplements. This was not the path that I wanted to take, I needed to change something.
The first small change
The change came really quick after the trainer was claiming that creatine holds sugar in the muscle, I knew I had to educate myself to get good results. I broke with the trainer and started researching on bodybuilding forums and sites to get myself in the best shape possible. Suddenly I stumbled upon a book from Joe Manganiello how he got in shape. I decided to read it and implement it in my life. But first I had to redo eight finals in august.
I was studying half of July and whole of August cause I was determined to succeed in college. During this period I was burning out again . Everybody told me do drop some finals but I was too stubborn to give up. I passed six of the eight finals and moved on to the next year in college.
It was September 2014 and I was trying to lean down, lifting weights four times a week and running six times a week. I was down to 7% body fat, but my energy was low just like my self-esteem. So I was going back to college without the two things I needed the most.
After six weeks we had to do an internship for seven weeks. I had to get up early every day to make breakfast, prepare meals for during the day… I was eating six times a day and sacrificing my sleep just to get things going.
The first real warning; heading to zero
I was five weeks into this internship and I suddenly got really sick. My body and mind were running low on fuel. My self-esteem dropped even more and my mood was getting more depressed. The colleagues noticed that I wasn’t the optimistic guy like before and gave me a remark about it. I wasn’t able to fake it anymore. So I forced myself to give the best of myself for the time that remained.
I agreed to organize a Christmas party for my colleagues and there partners. It was a lot more work than I expected and I was craving for vacation. I wanted to go on a trip, really anywhere, I just wanted to rest for a bit.
Too bad my mind was constantly on, overthinking everything, full of self-doubt and negative thought. My mind wasn’t a happy place but I didn’t realize that I had a problem.
The inevitable burnout: back to zero
The internship ended but it was about to get horrible, I had to start studying for my finals in January. I didn’t want a summer like I had six months earlier so I decided to push myself once again. I was really unhappy, nothing could cheer me up. When we had to do a final and I was sitting at the end of a big class I was starting to panic. The thought of getting up before 300 people, walk all the way up to the front and then return after I turned it in…… I was anxious and it affected my whole life. The results were really bad; I didn’t pass one of those six.
It affected more than my schoolresults…
It was impossible to appraoch a girl in a club. I had constant fear and couldn’t handle it. I had a girl that I fucked with no strings attached but the sex wasn’t the same like it used to. But I wasn’t craving for it anymore, my rare morning woods even disappeared. I lost my interest in sex and stopped the agreement with the girl.
My whole environment thought I was happy but to be honest I was getting deeper and deeper. Everybody thinks you’re fine when you constantly shout that you’re happy but it was more a cry for help.
I eventually started to do Arnolds blueprint to mass, training six times per week because you had to do whatever it takes according to the mainstream bodybuilding sites. The only thing I gained was a rotator cuff injury. Still hadn’t got a morning wood and I was reflecting how this could be possible. I thought that training that much would boost my testosterone. Even after resting due to the injury they didn’t return. My head remained a giant mess. I was constantly thinking, exhausting myself every minute of the day. But turning these thoughts off was impossible, I was afraid that I was going crazy.
When suicide was an option but didn’t became a solution
It was June and the finals where there again. I had to redo three finals, so six and three makes nine. I started doing full body workouts because I wanted to prepare myself for the difficult time ahead. But it was about to get worse, the constant stress of my personal life and school gave me a major burn out. I quickly realized that I was depressed for a longer period of time. I was thinking multiple times about ending my life because I didn’t wanted to live like this anymore.
The doctor thought I was a joke and a zero
Due to all the problems my heartbeat was extremely high; my blood pressure (180/42) shot true the roof. My body gave me some clear signals that it wasn’t alright. Mens sana in corpora sano wasn’t the case for me back then. I payed the doctor a visit before this would turn out even worse. I had no other options.
So the doctor gave me pills to slow down my heartbeat and lower the blood pressure. I also asked to check my testosterone levels; the doctor laughed at me and said “why? You are a young guy, they are fine”. She eventually took a blood sample after I insisted that I wanted to know my testosterone levels.
The results came in and the doctor said the levels were fine. But they were not fine; they were below the minimum levels (295 ng/dL to be exact. Everything below 300 n/dL is considered low).So I looked on the internet on how to boost my testosterone naturally.I quickly realized that I was finding the big piece so I started experimenting and eventually I got the results after some setbacks of course. Rome wasn’t built in one day so patience was the key.
No therapy session but what about the depression?
I wrote this post two years after my story started. I was a guy with no perspective in life, no beard or chest hair, had low self-esteem, and was depressed…At one point I almost ended my life but I’m still here so the most logical question is: how about now?
How about now? Did I go from Zero To Alpha?
Now I’m a 23 year old man with a goal in my life. The morning woods are back and I have them every morning. I suddenly started growing beard and chest hair out of nowhere. Beautiful girls notice me and start to chat with me during class, something that had never happened before.
But what your self-esteem you probably ask. Well I’m going to answer that with a story.
It was carnival here in Belgium and we went out to a club. If you dressed up the club gave you a coupon for a free drink. So me and my friends agreed to all dress up. We arrived and I noticed that only four of the nine people had dressed up. So we just went in and had a great time. The club was less crowded when it became really late so there were some empty spaces. I noticed that some guys were pointing at me and laughing with my outfit. So I looked again just smiled and danced because I didn’t care what those guys were thinking. In the end I was having a great time. It feels great that I don’t have to fake my self- esteem anymore.
I recently visited the doctor again
So I recently went to the doctor to take a blood check almost one year after I had low testosterone. The results came in today and they were higher than the maximum range in Belgium. The maximum range here is 925 ng/dL, my result was >1009 ng/dL. I guess I’m to alpha for this country haha.
The wet dreams returned and that was a surprise. A bit unpleasent but it shows that my body it working properly again.
It’s weird how my whole body and mindset changed after this whole period.
It’s like I’m going through a second puberty. But this time people will say “puberty gone right”
You’ll never hear me claim that i’m a hero but I stopped being a zero.
The worst part was just the start
I’m never going back to such a depressing period. I really learned my lesson now. The darkest pages of my life have been written. I moved on a long time ago although I’ll never forget them they remain in the past now.
I really went from Zero To Alpha according to my bloodwork but I’m not satisfied. I’m always hungry for more. I’ll achieve more in life than just high testosterone levels mark my words. I’m really going from Zero To Alpha and beyond.
I’m going to strive for my potential and go well beyond my limits.
Just watch me.
Till next time
You can also follow me on snapchat my username is: alexdw92