Do you even listen? I bet that most guys who’ve been in a relationship will recognize this sentence. For the ones who never heard it: congratulations, you’re an emphatic listener. But most people are far from emphatic listeners. They listen with the intent to respond instead of the intent to listen. How do you mean Alex? Well these people are judgmental instead of curious. They just want to share what they already know. Their whole way of thinking is ego driven. This results in the fact that these people aren’t able to learn something new but it doesn’t stop there. It can kill your marriage, friendships and so on.
I mean who want to be friends or in a relationship with someone who tries to force his/her way of thinking onto others?! It just doesn’t work that way and that’s what people don’t get. It’s funny that I write about this matter since most people claimed in the past that I couldn’t listen. There are still people who claim it but they just don’t get that I can’t give a fuck about everything. Those people are mostly the ones that try to change my mind about something.
It’s hard to listen from time to time
You’re constantly asking questions when you’re really listening. You try to understand to understand how the other person feels, thinks or acts in a certain situation. This alone is a hard thing to do. You see perception defines your reality but some people have a different perception on things. They just don’t understand that some people think differently. Different is bad according to them. So they prefer to remain ignorant instead of learning something new. They can’t do it at all. Oh the normal people entertain every single time. But it’s even hard when you master it.
It’s hard to listen to people when you’re really tired. You tend to be satisfied a lot quicker while the other person feels completely misunderstood. I have caught myself in this situation recently. I quickly corrected myself but there will be times where I probably won’t notice it. Have you ever been in such a situation? Or have you never been listening at all?
Listen and put your phone away
So many people take out their phone when they’re in a serious conversation. That’s a good start if you’re looking for an argument. The weird thing is that those people mostly don’t get why the other person get’s mad. Let me share you a fact: multitasking is a myth. You can’t do 2 things at once. It’s just impossible. So you can’t listen and send a text at the same time. But it’s also pretty arrogant since you’re showing no respect at all. It’s like you’re just not interested.
I know numerous people who got frustrated by other people’s phone behavior. I would even pack my things and go away if people keep on doing it. Yes I’m serious; I wouldn’t waste my time when someone is clearly bored. Just get up, go away and use your time to some more useful stuff. Some people will claim that I’m arrogant but I don’t care. Your time on this earth is limited. It’s better to spend it with people who really value your time. That’s no rocket science, its common sense. It’s all about perception. Remember?
Listen, it’s an art
So I know what you’re thinking right now. You’ve got one question: so Alex how do you do it? How do I really listen? Well the first requirement is that you’re present in the moment. That’s actually a lot easier than most people assume. Just put your phone away and focus on the conversation. You just need to focus on one thing and that’s what the other person is saying. That wasn’t so hard was it? Most people can’t do it because they’re multitasking all the time. There are people who watch television while they text, read a book and talk to someone else. I doubt that those people are present in the moment. I also wonder if they’ve got a clue on what they’re doing. That’s just not productive.
The second thing that you’ve got to do is just asking a question when you don’t get something. Some people don’t do it because they’re afraid that the other person will assume that they’re dumb. I don’t care, I just ask question till I get what the other person means. You get it or you don’t and you don’t want to end up in a conversation where the other person suddenly realizes that you didn’t get a single thing of what has been said. So you do that but never ever….
Never ever do this……..
Never ever get passive aggressive when you don’t understand someone. There’s no need to force other people to have the same opinion as you. I guess that’s where most people go wrong in a relationship. You’ll have arguments that you just can’t solve because you think differently. That’s actually not a bad thing. Only people in a toxic relationship keep on arguing to win. Freaking dumbasses.
I’ve got 2 book recommendations before I go.
The 7 Habits Of Highly Effective People (buy it here). It’s a great book and it’ll make sure that you have better relations with people. This can be with your spouse but also with your friends and kids.
The Way Of The Superior Man (buy it here). This book will help you to understand women. Well understand is a big word but you’ll get why they act in a certain way. This book was an eye opener for me. Men tend to communicate directly while women don’t. Buy the book and get ready to be amazed. You’ll say “oh, so that’s why she acts like that” tons of times. It’ll also give you a better understanding in how men think.
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Till next time