It’s time to talk about pain. Nobody likes to talk about it since it’s uncomfortable. I’m going to use my own life as an example but also something that I’ve found on Quora. That girl just hit the nail on the head. I don’t see a lot of people that I knew when I was younger. Since I didn’t have that many friends since I was extremely skinny and shy. I was the little guy so most people chose to bully me instead of being friends with me. I was the odd kid that read books and did karate. It got better between the age of 12 and 15 but it was silence before the storm. The reason why I got bullied was extremely dumb but I guess that all the reasons to bully are like that.

I’ll never forget the name of that guy. He bullied me because I was supporting a rival soccer team. He just controlled my whole life. There was a point where I did pull ups and push up every day because he told me that he would beat me up one day. The weird part is that I punched him but he never punched me. He just reached a point where I was sick of him. It didn’t solve anything. I was really happy when I had to change schools. I don’t hate the guy because that would be a waste of time. I guess that you could call it my dark origin and it doesn’t end there.

Pain was a big part of my life

I suffered a knee injury at the age of 19. I was injured for 2 years and there was no hope for a long time. So I couldn’t go out for a long time because I needed a day to recover. The pain was just unbearable. Every step on a stair hurt like hell. It was stairway to hell instead of stairway to heaven. I was lucky that I met my ex-girlfriend 6 months prior to the diagnose that I was healed. She took away my mind from the pain and I wouldn’t have been into fitness without her. I wouldn’t have learned some valuable lessons without fitness. The problems were that I didn’t solve a single issue because I didn’t handle the real issue.

So I fell into a dark hole when I had my first real break up. I had to solve too much at once and was in extreme pain.

I was depressed, anxious and suicidal between the period of 21 and 23. The weird part is that I was a popular kid in that period. I had a lot of friends to go out with and it felt good because it made me able to escape my pain. Tons of alcohol, sometimes some weed and all the parties were the delusional way to convince me that life was a party. I drunk that much that I passed out on three occasions. People assume that it’s normal but it’s not. This was a sign that I needed to change something. I was surrounded by people but still so lonely. I just didn’t get why at the moment but now I do.

Pain shaped me forever

Pain shaped me forever I just can’t deny it. It turned me back into a fighter. I was always like this as a child and I returned to it.

Yes, I’ve been bullied and I’ve been bullied a lot.

People doubted me my whole life. I  was too skinny to do fitness but now they all claim that I’m not natural. They told me that I was too dumb for college and wouldn’t achieve a single thing in life. I guess that I’ve heard it all. Some people still don’t get that I’m still alive. There was so much pain in my life but I didn’t want to give up. I accept every failure and turned it around.

Most people see me as a failure now that I dropped out of college. All the people who would be there for me when I needed them were gone as soon as I made it official that I wasn’t going to college anymore. I can count the ones that stayed on one hand.

There was a point where I was alone all the time because I was constantly working. I had nothing, nothing but a piece of paper with my goals on them. That piece of paper made me go through all the pain in that period. I learned to be alone. I embraced it and turned it into an advantage. Now people laugh at me when I’m sitting alone at a place while I’m working on a laptop. People just like to hate on everything and everyone.

Pain can be good

Pain can make you or break you. It can really shut you down. I really thought that it would be over when I was suicidal. My grandfather saved me with one dumb sentence ‘you look like your dad but you’ve got my blood in your veins. You’ll never give up because you’re a fighter’. That sentence made me rethink everything and I knew that I would want to be remembered as a fighter. So the pain didn’t crush me, it did the opposite. The pain uplifted me. The pain became my drive and made sure that I could keep on going. I learned where all my pain came from, it was a slow process but I learned all the lessons that I had to learn.

Most people sit down or turn around when they’re facing a headwind. They give up and the wind controls them. They’re the endless victims because they don’t get that it’s their own fault. Face the headwind because it’ll turn around. You’ll always have challenges in life and you need them to become more motivated. Sometimes you need something that lifts you up. All that pain is part of my motivation since that’s where I come from. I never want to be in that same situation ever again. I’ll even get a sleeve tattoo just to remind me of where I come from.

Pain and the tattoo

Most people don’t get that I want to turn it into a tattoo but it means a lot to me. You can summon that whole tattoo in 3 words: Zero To Alpha. I just want to remind myself that I can get through anything if I could get through this. I guess that there’s a reason that I want to compete in MMA.I want to be in that octagon. I’ve already lost everything so if have got everything to gain. They say that those people are the most dangerous people of them all. I guess that they’re right. I may look like Dr. Jekyll but I’m Mr. Hyde when it comes to my mindset. Do you know the difference between me and the fictional character? The difference is that I control the beast inside of me. I’m in control and I’ll let it out as soon as I have too.

Dushka Zapata and pain

This was written on Quora and sums it up correctly. This girl tells the truth and people are making the mistake that she did as well. The difference is that she learned from it. Enjoy what she wrote.

The last time I went through a devastating breakup many well-intentioned people offered me advice.

After such a long, monogamous relationship what you need to shake things up is to sleep around.

Jump back into another relationship right away! A nail removes another!

I know you don’t drink/do drugs but it would really help you relax.

Take a trip! Get away from it all!

I did indeed travel, and found I had efficiently packed all my pain in the roomy suitcase that is my chest. I regret to inform you there is no getting away from pain. What I ended up doing was sitting with it. I spent sleepless nights hugging my knees and crying. I cried a river; maybe an ocean. Being heartbroken is terrifying. I felt life wasn’t worth living. Breakups have a particular way of scraping out my insides.

This “sitting with pain” doesn’t feel good, but it’s so much more effective than running or distracting myself from it. These two things leave me feeling empty and depressed. In my experience, the more I run, the more it’s there. Once I let it hit me and come out on the other side I am less afraid. If I can get through that I can get through anything. And that’s why Rumi says the cure for pain is in the pain.

Pain and my vision of what she said

I wrote a lot of posts on this matter but people don’t get it for some weird reason.  Most people make the same mistakes or give the same advice to others. People fuck around but feel empty. People travel to find themselves but they only find unhappiness. They’re on the quest to escape pain but you can’t escape it. You need to accept the pain. You need to learn from that pain. It’s hard, trust me on this one.

Pain and my blog

I once wrote a blog post that my blog was not like all the others.  Most bloggers share one failure and pretend that their whole life is a success story. People get a completely wrong image and can never be satisfied with their own lives. I do the opposite. I shared my story but I keep on sharing my pain while I’m turning my life into a real success story. There’s no point in being fake.

Did you like this post? It’s a part of my upcoming book that I rewrote to make sure that it would fit into a blog post. The book will be finished by the end of next month if everything goes well.

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Till next time